The Letter for My Son

Yes, Mr. Nidhesh Tyagi, my friend at Pune Mirror sent me one of the finest gifts of life that one has as a father. It was loaded with emotions, expectations and vegaries of the bad world around us. I wish to thank him for the small gift that he gave to me. In these sufferring days, both physical and emotional pain of solitude, I wrote a letter to my son also.
I am sending the letter to him and someday the little boy will read the letter and try to understand what his father thought about him. I know he will read and will get confused as it is too premature for him to understand the complex ways in which his father looks at the world and also about the happennings in the world, but there will be a day when he will understand the meaning of this letter.
I told Nitn today/tonight that somehow this letter should reach him today and he should know the sensibilities and issues that his father is confronting/has confronted in life. It is not to make him scary about the world but to make him realize that life in not pink or rosy like theback ground of the blog on which I write about him.

Its After a Long Time Again

Yes, it has been a long time that I didnt write about him and how ur relationship is evolving. Today I am compelled to write about that as he has become naughty and in my absence is not listening to the mother. Brilliance is something and using the brilliance for something else is another thing. I had to shout at him today. He needs to understand that life is not black and white and he is not going to get all roses in life always. Its not his problem. he has been brought up in such a way that he thinks life is all roses. He never got a chance to listen to the struggle, pain and sufferring that I have passed through or currently passing. For him everything goes smoothly and there is no ups and downs, its always up and up. We were not like this as a child as we were sensitive to the ups and downs of our parents and we knew how to cut corners when there are troubles in life.
i think we are making a crime by not exposing him into the realities of life which are harsh and painful.
what do you think about this?

Why so many houses

He asked me this time as I was busy in finishing one of my house construction work in the hometown. He asked me how many houses do we have? At some point of time in life I had asked this question to myself (and not to my father, as we were scared of him)why we dont have a house of our own? why we dont have a decent living of our own? Yes, when I was in nayagarh, we had a very small house, may be 500 square feet house and six of us were living there. In Jatni we had an asbestos roofed house of same size and we lived there for long time, in puri, I had a decent house. So it was always a question, why we dont have?
Now my son asked me the reverse question, why do we have more than one house? The boy over hears my investments and asked this innocent question. It gave me a jolt but I understand that these houses are being made for him so that he can have a comfortable living and when required he can sell them and also plan something new. This is for him that I am making my life as a machine and building his future. I think every father does that and every father wants to see that the child is doing well before he dies. I think man can not beat death but tries to win over death by being a part in the life of his child. Thats how we become immortal.

How does the meaning of life evolve

Yah, thats the question I ask to myself whenever I think about my son. This little one is growing very fast and one day will grow so much that I will look like an old man in front of him as my father looks today. But there is a sense of pride that I bring to peopla around me. Will he be able to bring similar value system and success as I have got in my life. Does not matter... he should evolve as a good person, something that some people say i am not. But i dont mind because i alwasy wanted to be a good man. The world didnt take it in the right spirit. So for all those who are bad, i need to be bad and need to protect myself from them and sometime should pay them back in their own terms. He should not do that. He should not inherit that biting spirit from me but what will he do when bad people try to hit him? May be he will read my blog and will learn that it is necessary to be good in life but is also necessary to protect one's self esteem and respect and also fight for waht is right in life.. otherwise this is a very bad world and one wonders how good people will survive in this world!!!

Day-1, rather night-1

When I created this blog, my son was sitting with me and was smiling. He was reading what I am going to write on this blog. he is always sceptical about his father and also thinks that he must be an angryman. He imagines his father as a person who has no emotions and thinks that he does not like him which is wrong because he does not like him then whom does he like? Does he have a choice in life in anything? what was offerred to him in the platter of life he accepted that, the job, the family, the money and everything except of course his son whom he earnestly wished to have so that when he grows old and loses his vision, or ability to walk or even ability to speak, there will be his son.... will he be around or may be in a far far place with his girlfriend and family... but he loves him a lot and lot.. when will he grow up to understand these emotions .. will he ever grow up....to realize that every father sees his son as a hero who is going to take his name far ahead and above in life... at least his father did that for his grand father....

A father's wish

What one looks for in life is manifested in the child that he brings on. His sucecsses and failures are reflected on his second self-his child. His passion and desires to conquer the wishes comes as challenges that he wants to pass on to his child and thinks he can overcome them and lead the life to perpetuity. This desire for perpetuity and wish to win over death makes him to love, wish, care and build the life after and may be above him. This blog is for my son and my feelings for him. So when I will not be around and gone from this world, he will show this blog to his children and will also talk how much I loved him and what I wished him to achieve in life. How I wished what I could not do in my life and earnestly wished him to all these......